You are over 40 and for whatever reason, you’ve found yourself wanting to date again. This time around, you’ve decided to use the internet as opposed to the way you used to meet guys when you were in your 20s.
“It’s easy,” you think. “All I have to do is throw a pic and a couple of sentences onto the interweb and wait.” Well, it’s almost like that, but there are some mistakes you are likely to make that may result in you waiting forever. Couch potatoes and one-nighters will show up alright, but if you are looking for something beyond quick action, you might want to make sure you avoid the most common mistakes made by women trying to date after hitting the 40-year mark.
1. Consider a Make Over
Let’s face it, the competition is getting tougher on your end. You are no longer in your twenties and not as many eyes are chasing you as before. That’s just the reality. Instead of letting this hinder you, you can beat it with a few tweaks. You may have to give your wardrobe an overhaul, especially if your interest in dating just kicked in after a long hiatus. Get with the times and have a fresh hair do, new outfits, and new nail styles.
Making yourself over shouldn’t be limited to just your physical appearance. You might also want to check other things like the way you carry yourself – the way you walk and talk. If you have been off the market for a while, a certain carelessness creeps in since you haven’t been looking to attract anyone and probably didn’t care about how you carried yourself. Check yourself to see if there are some things you could start doing differently to be more appealing. The only caveat here, though, is that you maintain your authenticity.
2. Be Confident
You might find yourself devoid of confidence as you put up your profile. The lack of enthusiasm might show on your profile, and it will definitely be detectable once you start exchanging messages. That is such a turn-off.
Before you go out there, make sure you take care of anything that might be eating away your confidence. Sometimes, all you have to do is change your mentality.
3. Be Transparent From the Start
It’s tempting to present yourself in a slightly better light than the reality. One of the commonest ways women over 40 mask their true selves is through photos. Yep. You have pictures of you from when you were younger and think that maybe you could use them just to put your foot in the door. But this is being fake, being fake is dishonesty, and no one likes liars. It will backfire. Make sure you use your current photos, showing the real you preferably with minimal makeup.
Your honesty should also show in the things you say you are long for in your relationship. If you want someone to spend the rest of your life with, say it. If you want something light, say that too.
4. Sever all Links to Any Nasty Past
By now, you might have gone through a whole lot of nasty stuff like divorce and child custody wars. It’s better to let all these slide away and make sure you present yourself alone without all the baggage. Talking about past nightmares, especially during the first conversations, will probably push your date away.
6. Don’t Be Needy From the Start
Your profile. Yes, you want a partner so bad. You want someone who will be your everything; who will dedicate his life to you; and to whom you will dedicate yours. But coming out strongly may scare off potential partners. This is not your opportunity to present a laundry list of things you want in your man and in your new relationship. This is a caution to heed even as you try to be honest about your needs.
7. Don’t be too ‘Independent’
Moderation is the key. Trying not to appear needy, you may end up being too ‘independent’. Especially if you are a career woman who has made your way through life without a man’s hand, you might find it hard to make room for a man in your life. On your profile and in your initial conversations, show that you have time for a relationship. Your date should be able to picture themselves in your life. If you come out as too busy, they will find their way out of your before they even get in.