Tips for Writing Online Dating Messages That Get Responses (For Guys)

Getting on a dating site is easy. All you need is a pic, some text, and a few mouse clicks. But actually getting some results is another ball game. Everything must be done right, and while having the perfect profile is a big part of this, knowing exactly what to say in your first message is just as important.

The problem is that there is little to work with to construct a piercing message. All you have is a photo and less than a paragraph of text. This makes most guys throw something generic at those they admire. But such opening messages will probably drown in an ocean of other equally lame openers. Here are some tips for constructing messages that elicit responses

1. Write properly

Avoid text message writing. Write whole words with proper sentence construction. Words like ‘luv’, ‘ur’, ‘u’, and such spellings will make you look less serious and therefore less appealing. Once you have written your message, go through it to make sure it reads alright. You can only do this once so you might want to do it right.

2. Refer to something in her profile

Make your message relevant to this particular person you are contacting. By referring to something in her profile, you pique her interest. It shows that you actually read her profile and are not just throwing multiple messages at random girls. If you craft your message to show that you and she have a common interest, the better.

3. Keep it short.

This is not a sermon. It’s just a conversation starter which she may or may not respond to. Don’t make it too long. A huge block of text instantly becomes boring, and instantly gets ignored. Check her profile and come up with something about it that is short but striking.

4. Keep it simple

This may seem like the previous point of maintaining brevity, but these are actually two different things. A message can be short yet not simple. She mentions in her profile that she likes reading thriller fiction, ask her what book she is currently reading. That is a simple yet personal message that would culminate into a good conversation if you are both readers.

5. Use the right compliments

A thoughtful and meaningful compliment goes a long way. A superficial comment goes a long way too, but only to make sure all your chances at getting a response irretrievably go down the drain. The thing with generic compliments like you are pretty, you are beautiful, etc., is that she has been hearing them since forever, and yours just made her yawn.

Compliment her taste of music or movies, compliment her based on her personality as shown on her profile. Talk about her outgoing character or her academic achievement if that’s indicated. It shows that you actually read her profile and not basing your interest on a mere profile picture. It shows that you are interested in the person herself. Physical compliments like sexy or hot can be appreciated, but definitely not when used on a stranger as a conversation starter.

6. Add some humour

Everyone loves a joke and it will definitely have her replying to you while she giggles. But of course, it can’t just be any joke. It has to be a good one, and more, it has to be something that has to do with her interests, and preferably yours too.

7. Don’t spread yourself too thin

Don’t make the mistake of wanting to messages too many people. This, instead of increasing your chances at getting a response, will actually drive everything towards zero. That’s because to get a response you have to show that you know this person from their profile and managed to come up with something thoughtful based on that. That’s not something you can do to 50 people in an hour. Take your time and go get the profiles of those you have shared interest with, then message them based on those.

8. Avoid debate starters

Avoid talking politics religion, and such topics in you first message. Even if in your analysis of her profile you think she might be inclined to debate religion or politics or whatever, that is no way to start an online dating conversation.