Granted, in most scenarios it’s the man initiating the date and because of that, it’s likely going to fall on the man to pay for the first date.
But again, I don’t think it would be fair for the woman to initiate the first date and then automatically expect the man to pay.
So, let’s get right to it.
Here’s a popular question that I get all the time, and it’s the simple question of, who should pay for the first date?
Should men pay or should women pay? Men or women?
Now, before I explain to you who should pay for the first date, let me give you my perspective personally. But, I want to make something very clear, the way I handle things doesn’t mean you have to handle it the same way I do.
This is my personal position, it’s how I’m wired, but I feel the need to share it with you, and I’m going to explain how you and everyone else can consider approaching this topic.
So for me, I’m always paying for the first date.
I’m probably paying for every damn thing but that’s just me. I was raised that way, it comes down to the old-school values of men being the providers and protectors.
I strongly stand behind that and I truly believe that if we all had more of that dynamic in place, this world would be a much better place to live in, and relationships would be healthier and happier.
For me, I’m not really comfortable with letting the woman pay for the date. And look, even if I go out with my mates, I’m more likely to offer to pay for them too. I’m not so staunch about it with my buddies as I’d be with a woman, but still, that’s just my nature.
I’ve even had situations where the woman has attempted to pay for the first date, and I was like, no, let me handle that. However, even though I’m a strong believer in paying, there’s always something to be said if a woman simply offers in this scenario. It’s not a make-or-break situation but it can give her some points and I do think it’s something that women should at least take into account.
Let’s jump to what I think how YOU should handle who should pay on the first date
To be very plain and simple, it should be whoever initiated the first date. Granted, in most scenarios, it’s the man initiating the date. And by doing that, I do think it’s likely going to fall on the man to pay for the first date.
But again, I don’t think it would be fair for the woman the initiate the first date and then expect the man to pay. Again, some men, if they are like me, they are going to pay anyway, they’re not letting her pay. Simple.
But to expect that, and to have that expectation and to hold it against the guy when you initiated the date, I personally think that would be unreasonable. So whoever initiates the date should be the one willing to pay for the date.
It’s the thought, not the amount that matters
Now let me say this, in today’s world, I think we’ve gotten too caught up on how much we’re even spending on the first date. The reason we’re even having a conflict about who should pay is that everybody has a budget, and some people would argue, if you don’t have the budget you shouldn’t be dating in the first place although I don’t necessarily agree with that thought.
The point I’m trying to make here is that I think we need to be more creative with our first dates, it does not need to be about spending money. Look, dating is about getting to know someone, seeing if we are on the same page, do we want the same things, and are we moving in the same direction.
Be creative, don’t get caught up with the cost
With that in mind, the price of the date shouldn’t be all that important. And for men, it’s about being more creative. Going to a coffee shop, a walk in the park, going to the museum. Now granted, there are going to be a number of women who are going to take issue with that. But remember, if she takes issue with it, she really isn’t all that into you in the first place.
Think of it this way, if a woman takes this stance, she probably wants the superficial things to satisfy her. Because when a woman really really likes a guy she’s not taking issue with the type of date itself, with the walk in the park, the ice-cream date, and simple things that are not expensive but still allows you both to get to know each other and to spend quality time together.
Going back to what I was saying before, and what I personally look for even when I pay for the first date, I think both men and women should be mindful of, I’m going to pay, I’ll always pay, but nothing makes me happier than when she at least offers to pay. To me, this separates her from many other women and gives me a strong
indication that she’s not a superficial type of woman. She gets a BIG tick just for the thought.
She wants to contribute
What she’s telling me is that she has a willingness to contribute. And let’s say that I do let her pay, regardless, it’s her willingness to show you that she’s not here to take advantage of you, she’s here to show you that she has an investment in this as well. I just think it’s a beautiful gesture on the woman’s part.
When both parties are showing mutual effort, it’s a beautiful thing.