Do you feel threatened when you see your boyfriend talking to an attractive person of the opposite sex a little more frequently than you would like? Feel uneasy when other people compliment your girlfriend? You are jealous, as are lots of people.
But that there are lots of people in the same boat does not make it alright. Jealousy can have an uncomfortable rocking effect on your relationship, if not sink it altogether. It takes away so much of your mental space, preoccupying you with images of a cheating partner with every little triggering incident. It doesn’t matter who is jealous between the woman and the man, the green monster can sow seeds of unreasonable conflict in a relationship.
Why do People Feel jealous?
Jealousy is a form of worry laced with anger plus agitation. You feel your partner may find another person more attractive, more interesting, or generally just a better person to be with than you are. Thoughts and actions of jealousy are a form of defensive mechanism against this seemingly looming threat. Subconsciously, what you are really doing is preparing yourself for the terrible so that you won’t feel much surprise shock. It might also be your subconscious trying to convince your to leave to avoid the coming hurt, but usually, it’s a way of trying to make your partner cut any strings with the other person in order for them to not leave you.
Jealousy is in most cases a projection of personal inner insecurities. If you have only gone so far in your education and your girlfriend starts talking to an educated guy, your may find yourself feeling threatened.
Sometimes, the jealousy is a result of some hurtful incident that you might be afraid may repeat itself. It is difficult to trust your partner fully if you came out of a relationship where you were painfully cheated on.
How does Jealousy Affect Your Relationship?
Jealousy is actually one of the things that might add more life to your relationship. It can motivate a person to be better and can make the other person feel loved and treasured. But that is when it just a little. Jealousy becomes hell when you either spend too much of your time with such thoughts on your mind, or act on them.
Jealousy is simply fear of loss that spawns other negative feelings such as hatred towards the perceived rival and self-hate due to ill perceived shortcomings. Problem is, you are not the only one experiencing negative emotions as a result of your jealousy. Soon, your partner begins to feel frustrated. They are giving the relationship their all, they love you, and they’ve done everything they can to make you see that you have no reason to worry but you just can’t see it. It brings fights, feelings of anxiety, and, as one is bound to get fed up at a certain point, might shatter your relationship. Your relationship needs love to flourish, but anger, fear, and jealousy soon push it out.
How do You Handle Jealousy?
Know that Your Feelings and Action of Jealousy Cannot Keep Your Partner
In fact, it might just drive your partner out. Even if they were cheating, you need to realise that no jealousy can stop them but it might, perhaps, make them more careful. It’s about knowing that your partner may leave, it happens – every day. The key is not to tolerate such worry if you have no solid reason to and just live in the moment.
You just have to take you partner’s word for it. Jealousy shows lack of trust, and everyone knows that love without trust cannot survive.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
When you compare yourself with others, your shortcomings become magnified and you feel insecure. As jealousy is sometimes sparked by such insecurities, you may find your relationship constantly shaken by such worry if you are fond of mentally parading yourself beside other people, making comparisons.
You just have to know that the pool is full of other options. There is always someone better than you: someone more educated, some more attractive, funnier, wittier, and generally a much more interesting person to be with.
But you also have to understand that love is not based only on such things. Asking your partner why they love you may not even yield any answers because sometimes, people love for reasons they cannot explain with words, and such reasons can never be topped or replaced.