It’s pretty common for the glossy mags to publish regular tips and new ideas about new places where people should have sex at least once in their life. Every month at least one of the popular magazines issues a list of new sex tips seemingly straight out of a Hollywood film set that sends our imaginations into over-drive.
Is sex on a moving motor cycle really worth the risk?
Take a moment to figure out the reality and dangers of fantasy sex before you and your date get drunk enough to actually, ‘do it’!
At the Beach
Having sex on the beach on a mild summer night sounds like a beautiful and exciting way to have sex, right? If you love romantic books and films, you can’t help get swept up in the fantasy of lying under the stars with thundering waves pounding (pun not intended) in the background while you and your sweetie indulge in each other.
Truth be told though, and I’m sorry for ruining the moment, but if you have actually ever had sex on the beach, unless you’re very very careful (and who is in the heat of passion?) you’ll soon know exactly what it’s like to exfoliate those areas that are best left unexfoliated!
Regardless of the sand issue that goes with doing it on the beach, few people would know that public beaches contain record levels of fecal bacteria. So all the while while you’re grinding away butt-naked in sand and bacteria, you’re running the risk of exposure to hepatitis A and dysentery – probably not the kind of lasting impression you’d like to leave with your special friend.
In the Pool
For sex thrill seekers worried about getting a rash from the beach, what could be better than dipping your naked bodies into a urine and chlorine infested swimming pool. Besides that, if you’ve any tips on how to maintaining a good humping rhythm in a swimming pool, do let me know.
Pool sex defines the meaning of just how terrible sex can be without lubricant! Not to mention the fact that nasty bacteria’s are forced deep within those special and private parts which has the strong potential of causing infections, followed by a probing examination by your Doctor!
And try having safe sex (with a condom) in a pool – Forget it! Dry sex without lubricant causes tearing of the genital region leading to higher risks of STD’s. Less commonly known as ‘micro tears’, micro tears (tearing) are a direct entry point for disease and bacteria to enter your body.
Who would have ever thought sex could be so dangerous? According to David F. Colvard, M.D, a respected dive researcher, couples run the risk of losing buoyancy when having sex in the water with the potential having an embolism in the process if you float to the surface faster than expected. Really?
Driving a Car
Taking your girl to a secluded area in your car to make-out is so 80’s. As we moved into the 90’s, the 21st Century and beyond, sex in a parked car progressed into sex in a moving car. Sounds pretty exciting hey? Not for those who ended up crashing their car whilst having ‘road head’ A couple of quick online searches shows publications of car crashes caused by having sex in a moving car – talk about having the ride of your life!
A Connecticut woman attempted to defend her manslaughter charge after killing a man in a car crash by using a blowjob as defense. Having sex in a fast moving car might sound kinda sexy and exciting, but if you factor in the intense distraction elements, it’s a pretty stupid thing to do.
At a Nightclub
Most of us have been dragged along to a nightclub or 2 at some stage. Turning 18 and technically an adult, can have a tendency for us to throw caution to the wind and embrace our new-found adult status.
Venturing out into the after hours clubbing scene will throw you into the mix of a huge meat market and skanky people you never thought existed within your city. Professional and eloquent women by day turn into sexual and scantily clad hotties by night. Are we complaining?
The uplifting and trance-like dance music, dance movements and circumvolution combined with alcohol and probably a smorgasbord of other mind-altering substances may lead to a risky toilet nightclub nookie!
So you sneak away to the toilet cubicle holding the hand of some sweaty stranger and suddenly going to town on each other in a 1 metre square space. You don’t care that hundreds of other revelers have spray feces and what not all over the toilet where you and your friend are plating each other – not to mention the 2 centermetre deep sludge of piss on the floor. How good is your aim pissing into a tiny toilet when you’re drunk?
At the time you won’t care, but after reading this article, do remember that next time you bone a stranger in a public toilet at a nightclub, every single surface is riddled with bacteria such as Methicillin-resistant Staph Aureus, e.coli and God only knows what else. It’s a great way to cop a dose of something real nasty.
In a Cab
Sex in the back seat of a cab is something, that for unknown reasons appeals to many sex thrillseekers. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that so many bums have touched the dirty upholstery leather seats, perhaps more people than I realise have a fetish for the smell of stale perfume and aftershave that lingers, or maybe some people fantasize about being watched by an unshaven man in the rear view mirror who smells like rotten body odour.
Apart from some of the mentioned negative aspects of cab-sex, you’re also likely to find yourself being recorded on cctv and wind-up on taxicams.com, Youtube or on some TV program. Taxi drivers have in the past been busted for hiding cameras in their cabs to capture steamy sex sessions from their passengers. Sex in a cab sounds like a risque and thrilling thing to do, which it is, until of course your workmates email you the footage after discovering your late night taxi nookie on the Internet.
At the Cinema
People have been having sex at the cinema since movie theaters first opened their doors. You’re with your honey so you’re distracted enough to not care about the sticky floors and rubbish left behind under your seat from the previous sitting. Regardless of if you’re watching and action film, a romance flick or Megan Fox doing absolutely anything, you’ve got just one thing on your mind – boning your girl in the dark cinema.
I personally was interested to learn that the particularly sticky floors in the cinemas are not always the result of spilt soft drinks and dropped ice cream. Reports from the health and safety office recorded high levels of bacillus cereus bacteria in many busy movie theaters. Bacillus cereus can quickly bring about sudden bouts of diarrhea when in direct contact with skin. So if you thought it’s a fun idea to have sex in the cinema, the people before you probably did too and if you happen to put your hand in a pile of bacillus cereus infested goo, all I can say is, I told you so!
On a Plane
Becoming the next member of the mile high club stands alone as the ultimate fantasy for naughty sex – that is, if you grew up in the 80’s and have no imagination. The 70’s and 80’s were a time when air hostesses were tall hot bimbos who probably worked in amateur porn flicks on the side. They needed next to no experience other than the aforementioned qualifications.
So it’s understandable that the idea of having sex on a plane is still one of our most popular fantasies and remains deep-seated in our brains – that is, if you’re one of those baby boomers who just can’t get over it. Even still, it’s understandable, sex in a plane is one exotic place. High in the sky flying through the clouds it seems like a horny place to get your rocks off! What’s so bad about that you might ask?
Besides the fact that you run the risk of being arrested for having sex on a plane, you also face the same risks of catching some disease the same as nightclub toilet sex. Worse still, have you seen a plane toilet, there even smaller than a regular cubicle it’s kind of like doing it in the bathroom cupboard only this time you’re both getting poked (intended) by handles and other knobs (intended) or railings and being continually jabbed in the arse in a coffin-size room.
You better hope the plane doesn’t meet some turbulence so you both end up trapped or wedged and require being rescued by the cabin crew.